Me, myself and I

Gosh I hv long forgotten abt my friendster blog…one tat I wrote abt my journey, one tat reminds me of my love journey wz B. It made me smile when I re read thru it again…n perhaps I shd continue writing here. So here I am.

It’s funny tat now when I m in my final preparations for our big memorable day and jotting it down here, I got reminded of I and his gf H. What emotional roller coaster ride they made me went thru wz the hidden truth! I thank God tat I hv found my soul mate, one I am destined to be wz, n them themselves. What I am angry at is in fact that they are cowards who do not have the courage to tell me off in my face but do it via msn? H? Yes a lot of hurt you have caused me. How cld you, behind my back?? Oh well anyway tats the past. I hv moved on but the scar tat both of you hv left behind will always be there…they say wounds heal but scars nv…unless u got very gd whitening cream to recommend. LOL. Anyway looking back…u guys were meant for each other. I sorta felt it. I was juz angry tat I got involved in yr indecisiveness and left to bleed after tat. Honestly I wish tat I can juz tell you guys off for those sharp words u guys threw at me but then I wouldn want to stoop lower than you are. It is not in my power to punish anyone for hurting me. God is Great. The world is round…n wat comes ard comes ard kan… But I learnt wats true love is. So frm the bottom of my heart thank you to you both. I pray for the best for the both of you. I think it’s gd tat I leave evrything behind now. Robin Sharma said “We learn from pain? Yes indeed, I cldn agree less.

Well gotta go now and do some stuff…like lunch!

29Jul08

It was nice catchin up wz old frens esp those you hold dear to yr heart despite not seeing each other. I miss those frens whose frenship we forge but wz time start to deteriorate….Meow meow glad u called me! SO gd to hear frm you. But there is someone else I am worried abt…my dear mirror wat happen to you? Does our r/s meant nothing to you? You were there for me when I went thru pain, why do u shut me out of yr life now? Why don’t u allow me to be yr listening ear? I m sad…I guess my frenship meant nothing to u..

Dearest brother, get well soon.

Dearest cuzzies, be strong.

Auntie Kiah coming over to talk abt the wedding banquet n the dias…excited but it also means money wil go….arrgghhh. Hee hee but I can’t wait to be wz you baby…

I wanna sleep…

Happy Birthday Sweetheart! I Love You….Our 3rd celebration of yr birthday together…haha interesting, 1st yr as frenz, 2nd yr as yr girlfren, now as your fiancee and next yr insya Allah as your wifey….*big smile*….and then who knows the following yr as the mother of your child….Amin. See ya later….I hope you will enjoy the day with me wz the itinerary planned! Yayness…gonna meet my baby!!!!

As I sat down n reflect at how bored I m feeling tat nothin interestin has happened, I remembered! I stil can’t believe I had passed my class 2B at the 1st attempt. Yahoo! Baby, guess I m better off on the bike than in the car! Haha…too bad don tink I cld get my hands on my own bike yet! Tink the money is better off used for our wedding first! Hee hee….

Am I hvg jetlag? I don tink so but wat am I doin stil up at 5am?!! Haha I forced myself to be up after sleeping frm 6pm-12midnite! Thought I’d juz pack my bag n then sleep again. Damn gd show on tv! Shucks! Oh well but feeling sleepy again oredi, so wil try get a nap before I go for a walk again later before chckg out…..

Adios…..

Thank you God for tat peace that You finally gave me. Only You know of my pain all this while…my silence. I am glad tat my prayers were answered. I dono wat else to do. You know I nv liked doing it but I hv to make my stand and finally You gave me tat strength. Thank you God. It’s been hurting too much.

Dear Baby, Ty for all yr sacrifices for me. Trvlg all the way frm the east to west n then to my place n back home in the north….n its always been tis way. Thank u for taking so gd care of me, for loving me for who I am. I can nv stop thanking Allah for this blessing HE present to me. Loads of things I hv done for myself when I m wz u cos u allowed me to pursue my dreams. U knew n understood wat they mean to me. Rock climbing, scuba diving, wake boarding, new language, cooking, loads of things, giving the best I can in my job, enjoying every moment of it despite our distance apart n more things to come….the telepathy we share…haha too many of them, gd enough to prove to us we are meant for each other.

I Love You Baby.

Arrgghh 2kgs extra!!! Baby u better stop feeding me! I know u want me to be a lil bit plumpier but tat can wait right….tis is the effect of not climbing for 3mths!!!! Help….tats it I m going on a DETOXIFYING DIET frm today!!! No more chocs(shucks =p), no more supper, no more oily fried food(yummy)…guess wil juz eat one proper meal n healthy snacks like salads! I m becoming a goat!

Dear Baby,

Tk u for the lovely dinner. Yummy sashimi salmon in teriyaki garlic sauce….LOVE IT! I guess we are enjoying our time tog in the kitchen…I thank God for the blessing HE sent me, YOU! N wz it loving parents…hee hee cool to be adored by yr dad…now let’s see who he is gonna support more…his fav son or daughter…*wink* I really admire him…keeping the house tidy when mum is away in dubai…ooh stress haha. U better help him keep it neat esp when we are married..insya Allah. *Bluek…guilty* I will do my part of cooking ok.

Rite now I m missing my 2 best frens…it’s been so long since I chill out wz them! All cos of the different working schedule…sob.

Dear cuzzie, don be sad over yr TP ok. Try again. God I took it 3times ok. Rite now also I m stuck wz my bike lessons cos I didn take the theory yet! Arrgghhh….oh ya I bought yr skirt, finally! Cos finally found one tat u want….spring is finally coming…hope u fit it though…

Life…things chge. I miss my past n yet I m looking fwd to the excitement of the future…contradicting…hmmm…

Better sleep…its 4.15am! *eye ring rejoicing while i m suffering* crap help I m talking nonsense…

Jorge Rodriguez, a man so humble who is not embarassed to share his journey frm poverty to riches. Born in Colombia, he decided to embark on a risky n unknown world abt more than 20yrs ago in search of greener pasteurs. Leaving behind his family, wife n young child. Worked for any odd jobs til he gained the trust of his current employer n it has been 17yrs. How hard work pay off…Now his job bring him to all parts of the world as a skilled n experienced machine engineer….Thank u sir, u hv reminded me no pain no gain…carpe diem u nv know when God decides to chge yr fate. Hard work n determination are essential for success but nv to forget the grd u step on.

John, Scotland….an avid n experienced diver whom I met during my dive trip to Racha Noi, Phuket. Ever so jovial and thoughtful, always sharing his 65yrs of wisdom. Always there to lend a helping hand. Ty John my sea sickness cld hv been worse…I m so jealous tat u r stil on yr diving trip. Mind u tats a quarter of a yr of solid diving! Arrrgghhh…I wil strive to be a better diver…for one I know I can save air in my tank…I remembered how tis couple was like left wz 50bar and I stil had 110bar…hee hee. It remind me of u how u cld save on yr air….Yayness….Ty for the love tips on how to sustain the love in the relationship for a fruitful n lasting one filled wz love….I wil keep tat in mind.

I wld really love to cont on but I m so tired so to be cont…

Allah tk u for the blessings today…yup kindness begets kindness though it may take a while. N yes nv do gd wz expectations..it shd be sincerely given, tis I was taught…frm experience last nite…hee.. 

To H n I,

I hv had enough of the emotional torture tat I put myself into all these yrs. Yes stupid of myself, there is tat 10% of me tat stil lag behind…why? Today finally I realised why….

13Feb08

I was nv meant to be wz you….u were there to taught me a lesson abt life, isn’t tat wat God has for us…pple come into our lives to teach us a lesson we need to learn. I m thankful tat our paths crossed. I treasure those moments I had wz you. Like wat u said, u were a part of tat branch on my tree….not too sure though if the branch is stil there….too many branches on my tree…it was painful, esp so since I trusted u while I was away. I expected u to give me the same trust too. But why? Why did u play me out sir? Why did u always ask me to be silent when she called? I was stupid then to juz abide wzout thinkin why? After we parted, I understood all. It became clear. How wld u hv reacted if I were to go out wz a guy fren at nite to Changi Beach? Cos of all these painful memories n the fact u got away wz the last say….it’s hard to forget. N I realised much later tat yes you were right, we are different and that was the best decision to make, to go our own ways.

Sis, I hate to hv tat tainted memory of u. I adored u in school. I kept quiet when u fired at me when I asked u abt the pic then. Was it my fault tat a r/s started between us? Why do u hv to go abt saying tat he didn ask for the r/s? I knew u wanted him to be yr bf but he said no. Was it my fault? I sensed tat both of u were hiding things frm me? I wld really hv wanted to vent it all on u but the fond memories I had of u in school stopped me. Instead I confronted him. But wat did I get? Pain! The truth was stil tryin to be hidden. N today it’s out…n I wanna end the pain I brought upon myself cos of the both of you. Tat is my own stupidity. I thought I was the one holdin back, but sis u were the one actually. The msn tat u wanted to send to me of the pic of both of u tog n wat u said….u were tryin to irritate me. Allah is indeed Great. I wasn at the desk or else God knows how I wil react tis time. Why can’t u juz leave me alone if happiness is wat u hv found wz him??? I know it has been a roller coaster ride for u but pse spare a thought for me too.

I m sori for everythin tat I hv done tat might hv hurt both of u but hv u thought how I felt wz wat was done behind my back? The damage was done n nothin was even offered to heal the wound. I had to heal it wz time n prayers tat both of u realise tat I was wronged n hurt too by yr actions. I pray for the best for the both of u…happiness always. Amin. Let me get on wz my life, wz my new found love tat we pray wil walk us down the aisle, to future generations n til death part us. Amin. Don hurt me anymore, don come into our lives if pain is all tat u wanna give.

Yrs sincerely,

Hazlina

25Jan08…

Gdbye auntie, I m gonna miss you…thank u for yr love n care when u were alive…tat memories wil stay wz me. I m sori tat I didn’t visit u when I wanted to…I keep postponing it n now it’s all too late. Only Al Fatihah tat followed after every prayers tat I can offer you. I m sad tat I was late…but I redha, you went in peace. I pray yr journey in the afterlife will be a smooth one. Now u will nv get to be at my wedding auntie…but I m sure u wil be watchin frm up there. YR hugs n kisses, I wil always remember them. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. Amin.